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04 December 2013 @ 13:54

There's also this great website: Online Conversion, which has a lot of really excellent tools.
28 April 2013 @ 14:13

At the bike auction today I stopped by the insurance table for a bike light. I saw a pamphlet about the new laws regarding bike helmets. I told the insurance man,
"I never used to wear a bike helmet until I woke up in an ambulance. When I saw my doctor afterward, I expected a finger-wagging. Instead he told me he also didn't wear one until he went through the windshield of a car. I had never fallen off my bike before, I had never had an accident. It was like I thought that because it hadn't happened yet, it never would."
He said "I think you just summed up human nature right there."

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

26 March 2013 @ 10:49
A guy on the bus was chatting with me. At one point he said "Can I ask you a question, and be honest." I said sure. He said "Are all women materialistic?"
To my credit I did not stab him in the eye with a pencil like I wanted to, instead I said "I honestly can't think of any trait, like materialism or selfishness or even positive traits like generosity or kindness are gendered. Of all the people I know, there is not one trait I can attribute to men or women."
He didn't talk to me after that.
19 January 2013 @ 20:55

I can stand from sitting in a chair or from the couch much easier and with a lot less pain. I still find stairs hard, but that will come. I still struggle with getting up off the floor, but it's much easier. I am practicing my stretching and the neuromuscular specialist told me to spend time rubbing my foot with different textures to get used to the loss of sensation. I haven't heard back from physio yet.
Emotionally I am feeling a little better, the totally crippling depression is slowly lifting.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Expressing: hopeful
17 January 2013 @ 11:29
Today I saw the neuromuscular specialist. After a lot of poking and prodding and electric shocks, I've learned why it seems that my foot isn't getting much better. I do have some muscle weakness, which means I have some physio to do to get some of that back, but I also have nerve damage. My foot doesn't feel as strong or as stable as it used to because though the nerve messages are getting through, where I had the injury/surgery is basically blocking the signal. Parts of my foot are numb. The doctor says some of that feeling may come back, the nerves may heal themselves, but there is a chance they won't either. To be able to walk properly again I need exercises to get my range of motion back and also just to get used to the fact that parts of my foot are numb. It's just not going to be the same, so I need to get used to this level of sensitivity. It's a bit weird, but I'll adapt.

I guess the moral of the story is don't injure your ankles, it's just not worth it.
Placement: Canada, Winnipeg
Expressing: relievedrelieved
Soundtrack: Friskyradio.com
01 January 2013 @ 15:26

Well this past year wasn't filled with a lot of great things, I haven't felt like this in a very long time, and my wish for the new year is to not ever feel it again. I will know self-love and self-care again, to enable me to better care for others. I want mindfulnesss, thoughtfulness and generosity to be my way. I will be better than depression and anxiety. Somehow. I will accept my losses (lost friends, lost opportunities, lost time) and find new ways to insert those into my life. I will return what's been given and more. This is my dream, my dream of conquering depression. I will find a way to make it true. I hope you will find your way too.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

27 December 2012 @ 15:51
So I saw the surgeon today, and good news abounds. The cause of the terrible pain I was feeling was in fact a bone chip stuck in a nerve, so he removed the bone chip and took out some "other stuff" (scar tissue I think) to ensure that the nerve wouldn't get caught again. I'm off crutches and will wean myself off the cane in about two weeks. I should be back and walking in about a month. I'll be working back up to going to work again. My ankle will never be totally perfect again, I have torn ligaments and those will always be sensitive and injury-prone. I need to be careful and not hurt myself again, but I should be able to walk and ride a bike and do normal everyday things again.

19 December 2012 @ 21:13

So the surgery seemed to go well, I was only in there for about an hour. However I seem to have had a terrible reaction to a post-surgery drug (probably morphene) they gave me that has made the last couple days go by in a haze of pain, fever and vomiting. I am finally starting to feel myself again and I'm able to eat a little. The best part of course though has been that despite the stitches and the aching of my foot knitting itself back together, the excruciating nerve pain I have felt there for months is apparently gone. I can put my foot in positions I wasn't able to before, and it feels wonderful. The specialist had several other surgeries that day so I was unable to get any details, but I'll find out everything when I see him next week to get the bandages off. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, he may have removed the offending bone chip but there may be more damage yet. All I know is I have been able to take a few steps without the horrible knife-in-my-foot feeling, and that feels like hope to me.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Expressing: cautiously optimistic
12 December 2012 @ 19:46

Coming up on Monday, I am starting to get nervous. I am a lot less nervous about the actual procedure than I am about the result. They still don't exactly know what's wrong with my foot so there's no way to know if they can fix it until they open me up. The theory is that there is a bone chip sitting in a nerve, so if it is that, it will be an easy fix. I am hoping for that response, but there is nothing to do and no way to prepare for it. I am terrified this will be permanent. I don't know what I'll do. I'm trying not to think about it.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Expressing: confused
25 November 2012 @ 15:27
Here are some links to some fun things that amuse me:

http://fyeahtattoos.com Tattoos and plenty of them. I am really interested in the abstract, watercolour style and the 3-D blackwork that seem to be the fads these days. Some not so good, some nice but things I would never get, and some super gorgeous jaw-dropping work. My tattoo was featured on it, but their search engine and tagging is AWFUL and I can't find it. If you can find the post of my tattoo, you get a cookie.

http://madartlab.com/ Constant amusement. Don't visit this site if you have things to do today. Art, science and all the fun things in between. Did you know I had a guest post on this blog?

Hyperbole and a Half If you're one of the like 10 people on Earth who hasn't seen this yet, you're welcome. Prepare to laugh until it hurts.

The Kid Should See This - Things for kids that are not necessarily for kids. You don't need kids to enjoy it, but if you have one, get together and check this page out.

You can also have a look at all the people I follow on Tumblr -

Aristocratic Elegance - gorgeous clothes, architecture and all things draped in lace and velvet.

ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS Just what it sounds like, and consistently funny.

Gothic Charm School - Old school goth awesomes.

Vandal Eyes Army - because googly eyes on things make them more fun.

Goths Up Trees - When my ankle heals I am so planning a photoshoot for this blog. It shouldn't be as funny as it is.

Shit My Students Write - insights into the minds of strange, strange people.

OMG That Dress - A fantastic collection of vintage clothing and accessories. They do themed days, where they will post about a specific designer, style or time period.


Doctor Cat, MD cuteness warning, may cause squee

Questionable Content

Tree Lobsters

Pusheen the Cat cuteness warning, may cause squee.

Scenes From a Multiverse

Dinosaur Comics

Wondermark make sure to read the hovertext

Something Positive


Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

Zen Pencils perfect for a pick-me-up for when you need inspiration

Axe Cop because you know a comic written by a 5-year-old is going to be awesome

Also, thank you LJ for saving the draft of this post. I spent like an hour getting this post together and the breaker blew, shutting off everything. Draft and sanity saved!
Tags: ,
Placement: Canada, Winnipeg
Expressing: amusedamused
Soundtrack: Loading...
10 September 2012 @ 11:10
As The Bloggess has reminded me, today is World Suicide Prevention Day. I don't know if any of you have ever been to that terrible place where suicide starts to seem like an option. I hope you haven't. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. So I am asking, as the Bloggess did, what keeps you going? What gets you out of bed? What's your mantra?
Mine's going to end up tattooed on me somewhere: Just keep swimming.

EDIT: Also, this:
“You know what gives me the courage to keep on living? The courage to love myself a little? It’s having a whole bunch of friends who really give a goddamn. When you share pain, there’s less of it, and when you share joy, there’s more of it. That’s a basic fact of the universe.”

Fivesight by Spider Robinson.

EDIT2: If you need a laugh, watch this. Like 10 times over.
Tags: ,
Placement: Canada, Winnipeg
Expressing: touchedtouched
Soundtrack: Telepopmusic - Breathe
05 September 2012 @ 12:06
"People hate the idea that they are mistaken, especially about something that they believe they have witnessed. They’d rather the laws of science and of likelihood were turned on their heads than believe they were wrong." - Max Pemberton

A part of this article, interesting on its own.

Are you able to admit when you're wrong? Is it easy for you, or is it something you've had to learn? Have you ever changed your mind about something that was once really important to you?
Placement: Canada, Winnipeg
Expressing: curiouscurious
Soundtrack: Corentin Emprou - Ambient 8
05 August 2012 @ 17:04
Now that I can't walk (for the moment, anyway), I regret the times that I was willingly lazy. That I wasn't out using my body and making it beautiful. I miss dancing, and hula hooping, and riding my bike, and even the little running I could do. I regret being lazy when I could have been so much more.
Expressing: melancholymelancholy
Soundtrack: EBM radio
29 July 2012 @ 07:17

I did something to my bad ankle and now it's all awful again. It throbs with pain all the time, it's stiff and sore and hurts so much I can't sleep. I can now only walk and be on my feet in short bursts, just walking around the grocery store had me nearly in tears. I can't go to work, I can hardly get things done around the house. I am SO FRUSTRATED there isn't a word to adequately describe it. I probably won't be able to go out and do the one fun thing I was going to do this summer. I can't dance. If you know me, you know how much I love to and how heartbreaking it is that I can't. I am so angry at my body for betraying me. I hate not being able to fix it. I hate sitting all bloody day. I hate being in constant pain. I hate that I have to find a specialist because the guy I saw before was a jackass who didn't listen or care. I am angry and hurting.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Expressing: upset
26 July 2012 @ 06:49

I always get "but cyclists are assholes too" every time I complain about bad drivers disrespecting me and putting my life in danger Duh, of course they are but that's not what I'm talking about. I am not exaggerating when I said people drive past way too close 5 times a day at least. The law says to change lanes when passing a cyclist. If you can't you're just going to have to go slowly behind them. I know it will make you 43 seconds late for your hair appointment but please stop TRYING to hit me! It's like some drivers can't even stand the thought of having to wait or slow down, even for a very short time. You can and you will and you'll bloody well live, you big babies. And so will I. I'm a commuter, I'm not out for a Sunday wander, I'm in just as much of a hurry to get to work or home. How about we ALL get there alive?

I am happy to see more bike lanes going in all over the city, but in some of the older (and badly designed) areas of town there just isn't room to put in a separate lane, so you're just going to have to share the road.


I don't think they explain well enough how much distance is safe distance to pass someone. If I am nearly hit by your rearview mirror, that's too close. "As close to the curb as possible" is usually almost in the middle of the lane if I don't want to hit all the garbage and potholes along the curb.
I am not going to stop riding my bike, but neither am I going to be a dick about it. I follow the rules, I probably signal more than some drivers out there (pro tip-signaling AS you're turning doesn't count, it has to be before), and I do my best when I am a driver to be patient and considerate. I would like it if you gave that a try too.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Expressing: meh
14 June 2012 @ 17:11

If only the internet had smell-o-vision.
Placement: Canada, Winnipeg
Expressing: happyhappy
26 May 2012 @ 13:08
A despair of goths
An irony of hipsters (plural: hipsti)
A mope of emos
A field of jocks
A brace of geeks
A beaker of nerds
A palette of artists

Suggestions welcome, an ongoing project.
Supernatural collective nouns bu David Malki!
Expressing: creativecreative
Soundtrack: Breathe Owl Breathe - Dogwalkers Of The New Age (SomaFM presents: Indie Pop Rocks! [SomaFM])
11 May 2012 @ 08:20

I dreamt I was living in an apartment where I had lived in several suites in the same building. I was moving back into the first place I had lived. A man had been living there and for some reason had not changed or moved anything I'd left behind (which was a lot). He was a slob though, bf was helping me clean. Then bf and I were riding bikes somewhere, I remember being under a giant freeway with these stairs and bike paths. There were plants everywhere, it was pretty for being under a concrete maze of highways. Bf was being hardcore and riding up a steep incline, I walked my bike up the stairs.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

02 May 2012 @ 10:10

Jenny the Bloggess talks about her experiences.
I've been struggling a lot myself, especially with the self-harm. I feel like I'm close to breaking this hump, like there's a wall between me and the world and if I can just get over it I'll be okay. I go through cycles of depression, so I keep telling myself that it will end, that there is an upswing. Sometimes it's really hard to see that there will be one.

My self-harm is messing up my life. I wreck things, forget things, burn bridges and make mistakes I know will make things worse for myself. I almost wish I did cut myself instead, because that would only hurt me instead of ruining my chances at jobs, friendships and my own success. I feel like I can't have any of those things. I don't deserve them, I'll only disappoint so why not ruin everything now, so I can control it. I also hurt my own body. I eat food that makes me sick, I make myself get fat and then hate myself for it.
I know that doesn't make sense. I know in the clear moments it's not what I want, but it's like I can't help myself. It's like there's this awful creature inside me that takes over my body, keeping me immobile or pigging out or using my mouth to say things I never wanted to say. If depression was a person I'd kick the shit out of them and bury them in a ditch and no one would care.
I loved myself once. I want to feel like that again. I'm so busy feeling like shit and hating myself I'm missing my whole life.
I need to believe that I can not feel this way. A few things happening lately have been bringing me up a little, I am starting to have some of the feelings I had before on my last upswing. I have to keep believing this will get better. I don't know why I believe it, I just do. I think if I get this potential job it will help me, because it's about helping other people and it'll get me out of the house and out of my head, but I know there's more to loving myself than that.
There is so much I want to do, so much I can do, and my depression is the only thing in my way. It seems such a huge, impassable thing though. I wonder if I will ever conquer it.
Expressing: crushedcrushed
18 April 2012 @ 09:44

I moved in to my boyfriend's house about a month ago, bringing my two cats Xerxes (15) and Jin (2) to live with Boots (18). Boots used to live with another cat and was fine at first. As long as no one interrupted his nap or delayed feeding time, he didn't mind. I think he has a crush on Xerxes but she is still growling at him. In the last week or so, we've caught Boots intentionally spraying on things. He doesn't seem to be letting go of his bladder so much as he's spraying like they do when they're in heat, so I think it's an attitude problem more than a physical one. How do I make this stop because this needs to stop right bloody now. The smell is nauseating, and I can't seem to get things clean. I've tried everything in the cupboard! I am going insane, any suggestions for cleaning or cat behaviour help is appreciated.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Expressing: disgusted
11 April 2012 @ 09:19
Thermosaurus radiator

Probably an April Fool's joke, but it needs to be real.
27 March 2012 @ 11:53
Look, I just want to make something clear. You seem to have gotten your words mixed up, it's alright, common mistake, but I thought I wold try and clarify this issue for you.

This is a beanie:

This is a toque:

It's pronounced "too-k" (not took, say too and add a k). This is what it is and always has been called. I don't understand why people keep getting this mixed up.
Expressing: quixoticquixotic
Soundtrack: Juan Deminicis - friskyRadio Artist of the Week - November 2011 (friskyRadio - feelin' frisky? [Tran
20 March 2012 @ 18:19

It's taking some time, but it's starting to look and feel like a real house. Still a lot of stress, but I'm getting by. I'm really starting to think I'm going to be OK.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

09 March 2012 @ 11:09
I did my very first ever guest post over at Mad Art Lab (which was a super awesome site even before my post), go check it out for both a bag-making tutorial AND a chance to win the bag I made!

I'm so excited!
Expressing: excitedexcited
Soundtrack: Eddy Howard - Now Is The Hour 1948 (The 1920s Radio Network, 20s, 30s, 40s, Old Time Radio, Chesapea
09 March 2012 @ 09:59
I saw the specialist, and apparently my ankle is a super-wuss. The physiotherapist thinks I was born with a sort of ankle prone to these kinds of injuries, so I guess it makes sense. The report says:

"A small 4-5mm ossicle is noted at the dorsal aspect of the talonvicular joint that may represent a remote capsular avulsion."
There's a wee bone chip there that usually takes 4 months or so to heal. Tell that to my bloody ankle. The good news is it's getting markedly better, the physiotherapist did some re-assessing and I've made significant improvement, so the prescription now is careful exercise. My ankle will never be the same, it'll always be weak, but I'm not going to need surgery or anything serious. It will get better!

I have to move this weekend. The physiotherapist was insistent I'm careful, and I will be, but I sure hope I can get some help. I can't do 14 trips up and down the stairs.
Expressing: busybusy
Soundtrack: Andrews Sisters - South American Way (The 1920s Radio Network, 20s, 30s, 40s, Old Time Radio, Chesap
06 March 2012 @ 11:12
What is the weirdest question you’ve ever been asked?

I am at some point going to make a comic out of this*, but here's the story:

I was waiting at a bus stop downtown after hanging out with a friend. A guy comes up to me.

"Do you have the time?"
"Yeah, it's quarter to eleven."
"In the day or at night?"
It took me a second to process this question. Keep in mind this is an outdoor bus stop. The sky is clear and you can see a few stars despite the streetlights. I looked at him for a second, then pointed up.
He looked up, then looked at me blankly.
"What?" he says
"Um, well...it's light during the day and it's dark at night." I tell him all matter-of-factly.
He grumbles and wanders off.

*If anyone with more art skill than me wants to make a comic of this, please do!
Soundtrack: VNV Nation - The Great Divide
26 February 2012 @ 10:04

Coming out of this depression feels like swimming up from the deepest ocean. I feel like I'm getting even nearer the surface now, I can see the light. Soon I'll breathe free again.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

23 February 2012 @ 08:42
I dreamed I was on the moon, in some kind of empty base. I could float (at will) and I was having a great time moving about the base by floating along near the ceiling and using corners and doorways to fling myself along, using the momentum. I remember one part where I was going down an inclined hallway and got some good speed, so when I flung myself around the corner I went flying down the next hall. It was fun. I also went out on the moon's surface (apparently I don't need a space suit or anything). It was beautiful. I visited again, this time the moon base was full of people. I was telling them how getting around the base was so much easier if you floated around, and I was describing how to use the momentum. I decided to go outside on a sort of hover-bike thing, but as I left, a spaceship was taking off. I was directly under it, and the intense pressure (no heat or burning, just pressure, which didn't affect me) from the thrusters kept me from going too high on my vehicle. I remember looking up at this immense circle of blue fire coming from the bottom of the ship, it was strangely beautiful.
Placement: moon
Expressing: sleepysleepy
11 February 2012 @ 18:03
I think shame has to be the worst part of depression. There is some real shame in it, I guess, but most of it is perceived. What I mean by real shame is that things really do get neglected, lost, forgotten and ignored when you're in the depths of a bad depression. You skip out on outings, you don't spend time with friends and family, you might even skip out on work. You neglect your responsibilities, even when it's to your own detriment and instead of that inspiring you to move forward and do better, it's all just another shovelful on the pile of "you're an awful person, and here's why". You can't concentrate, focus or even care about events or problems or even joys in your life, and for this you feel shame. The shame only compounds all the other problems, and makes the loop of depression continue to be self-perpetuating. Shame makes it hard to ask for help, for how dare you, how can you ask for help? How could you deserve someone helping you? Look at all the mistakes you've made, the problems you've caused! How can anything make it better? Best not to drag anyone else down with you, right?

Well, no. Sometimes, you can't do it alone. Sometimes, you need to reach out. Sometimes you just have to fuck the shame and do it anyway. So, here goes.

I've been depressed. No, really. I'm sure most of you who know me online or in person have some idea that I suffer from depression, some more than others, but over the years I have become very, very good at hiding just how bad it gets. I don't really know how to describe what it feels like, but those of you that have been there understand. For me it comes and goes in waves that can last months or even years. These waves are totally unrelated to events in life. You often hear that depression is not like being sad when a family member dies, but I think a lot of people have a hard time really understanding the difference. The waves come and go, and I will respond to something very differently when I am very depressed than when I am not. This last couple of years have been a very low time for me, but because it's depression and not just being sad, there's no real reason for it and there's no real end in sight. When I am on a down slide, and something bad happens, it affects me ten times as hard as when I am on an up slide. How can you explain to someone that having to do something as simple as cleaning the dishes is a major issue? Unless they've been there too, they can't possibly comprehend why that would be difficult for you. This is again where shame comes in, how do you ask for help with tasks that shouldn't require any help at all? But they are hard, and for reasons you know don't make any sense. I am intensely aware of the lack of logic and reason in the way my mind works when I'm depressed, but I am seemingly helpless to change it. I am constantly filled with self-loathing. It's a horrible feeling. I don't wish it on anyone. I will sabotage or ruin things I know I can do or want to do because I don't feel like I deserve them. I fuck myself up on purpose because...well, there isn't a good reason.

Injuring my ankle has only made this depression worse. I was feeling like garbage before, then I spent the best summer this city has had in five years on the couch in agony because I was on crutches. I have been in some level of pain since July. I still can't go up stairs properly, stand, walk long distances (distance depends on how much pain I am in that day) or even sit with my leg in certain positions for too long. I can't run or even walk fast. I can't put my foot at certain angles without pain. I wear a brace when I go out and I have to be extremely careful not to slip, even a little wrench causes me so much pain. I've been off work and stuck in the house. Being off work means I am getting EI payments. Being on EI means I am very poor. I barely have enough to pay the rent, and a few of my services have been cut off because I can't afford to pay them. Money woes are an extraordinary cause of stress, and it's just another shovelful on the shit pile.
So here's the good news: I am finally starting to feel like the fog is lifting. I am finally starting to feel like the depression is sliding away. I am finally able to get myself back on my feet (figuratively at this point). Now, of course, I find myself in a very deep hole.

So here's where you come in:
I need to make money. I need to have a sense of purpose.* Please go here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/madfishmarket and visit my store. Tell me what you like, what you don't, what you want to see more of or less of. Be honest, I need to make this better. If there's something you like, pass it along. Share it with friends, give me a little more exposure, because there might be someone along the line that likes it enough to buy it. If you don't want to give me an honest answer and reveal your identity, that's ok! You can comment anonymously here on my blog, I won't check you out or hunt you down. I just want to know what I am doing wrong and what I am doing right. I want honest constructive criticism please.

I am also a model, you can see a page here with some photos of me. So far I have done photography and art modeling (I LOVE art modeling!) I'm overweight right now, but you're looking for chub chub in your photos, I'm your girl. I love to do art modeling and have modeled in the past for the WAG, Cre8ery, RRC and the Winnipeg Sketch Club. I've also been told I have lovely hands, so if you need a hand model I can do that too.

I am getting help for my depression, but sometimes there's not much to do but wait for the worst of it to pass. A few public people have been talking about their depression as well, here's some links:



*I am holding off committing to a "real" job until I get the results of my MRI to find out if I need surgery or not
Tags: ,
Expressing: weirdweird
Soundtrack: FRISKY | DUALQ - February 2012 - Gerardo Boscarino (friskyRadio - feelin' frisky? [Trance, Dance, Te
23 January 2012 @ 13:40
I have an ankle brace now, thanks to my good friend, and I am finally getting physiotherapy. I am really surprised at how weak my ankle still is. Physio is hard, but it's worth it. The therapist recommended that I do short bursts of exercise through the day with rest and occasional icing in between. I think I can do that.
I'm also supposed to give going back to work part-time a try, but I need something where I'm not on my feet all day but I can move around a little and that won't drive me crazy. Going to pay another visit to the OVRC, I guess. I am feeling a little more positive than I have in a while, going to try to hold on to that. I had curry last night, that always makes things better.
How are you?
Expressing: okayokay
06 January 2012 @ 16:23
1) Find out the song that was #1 the week you were born.
2) Find that song on YouTube.
3) Post that video without shame

The month before, it was the Star Wars theme. Way better than this.
Expressing: dorkydorky
01 January 2012 @ 22:20
For NYE, the bf and I went to friend D's place for dinner with L, his girlfriend. D is a chef, and made us an absolutely delicious meal, I am not ashamed to admit I ate like a pig. Falafel, a couscous with fresh vegetables and olives and hot peppers, roasted eggplant and yam (I think) and a non-dairy yogurt with fresh mint for dipping. Everything was perfect on its own*, but the sauce added a whole other layer. I need millions to have him cook for me. I'd throw lavish parties with massive buffets. I'd throw random public parties too. Pick a community centre and have an open dinner...
We watched an episode of An Idiot Abroad: Bucket List which made me happy, because the only thing funnier than Karl Pilkington doing anything is Ricky Gervais losing his mind with laughter. We discovered Much Music was playing a live show of Electric Circus and I had something I posted end up on the screen. I got a message from a someone in the Maritimes who was also watching and recognized my name. We drove to bf's place and had a few drinks before walking the 15 minutes or so to the club. My ankle's doing alright for walking now most of the time. We get to the club, don't get charged a cover and come into a strange and cavernous room. There was a raised stage with a dancefloor on the right and a square bar around a pole in the middle. Some booths along the wall to the left and behind us and a large empty space. In the back we could see a mountain of stacked tables and chairs behind a wall of long tables. It felt like we were not permitted to sit. L and I went to the bathroom where we encountered a group of beautiful women lamenting that there were not any men at the club worthy of their New Year's kiss (she used that wording). L and I encountered our wide-eyed boyfriends to the tune of some top 40 dance hit. Clearly, this was not the party we were looking for. Since it was quarter to twelve, we had a drink and toasted in the new year. I had sent a text to someone at the party and gotten the address. It was the little bar three blocks from bf's house. We made it back (me with quite a sore ankle) to see Chris Komus and I managed to even do a little dancing. L, myself and a friend of L's were among the people accosted by two drunk men. One of the mean was leaning against me for a little while, making it seem as though he didn't intend to be. At one point he rubbed his hand across my back. I turned around and loudly said "Don't fucking touch me.", just as boyfriend was coming over. They leaned on women (one trying to rest his head on a far-too-polite woman's shoulder), rubbed up against them, tried to hug them or cop a feel as they went by.
Just as a little aside here: what planet do you live on where it's acceptable to just walk up to total strangers and touch them? What in your life has ever shown you that this is a totally okay thing to do? Has this ever worked? I once asked this of a man who spent five minutes detailing the benefits of my performing oral sex on him. I didn't get an answer. I can't see how it would. It's terrifying. Both L and I get punchy when we're faced with aggressive groping men, and it really puts a damper on a fun evening. It puts you on alert, on the defensive, like you're tensing up ready to jump or scream. Not very relaxing. I think we really need to discuss what the clear rules are here about how you behave in public and how you deal with people who treat others badly. I think sometimes we do nothing because we don't know what to do, but nothing isn't the answer.
The night ended well with lots of laughter and I woke up to a lazy morning of video games and cats.

This year I'm going to focus on what I am gaining, not what I am losing and as Xerxes and Jin have taught me, I need to do a lot more playing and cuddling (specifically with them, but I'm allowed to on my own time). I've discovered that if I stand just right I can dance or hula hoop for a little while.I've also got a long to-do list that I am not going to allow to go unfinished.Too many of my bad habits have too. I am going to kill them in the face with bears. It's the only way.

*reminded me of a zen koan: the Emperor goes to meet a prominent zen master who serves him a dinner. There is only one item, and the Emperor is surprised, but upon tasting it's perfection. The zen master had served him one perfectly boiled radish. The Emperor leaves enlightened by the beauty of simplicity.
Placement: Winnipeg, Canada
Expressing: calmcalm
Soundtrack: January 2012 - Lost In Sound [Personal Thoughts] (friskyRadio)
29 December 2011 @ 23:51
There's some real gems in there.







Expressing: amusedamused
Soundtrack: cidLix - Beyond the Truth
27 December 2011 @ 12:23
I am aware, of course, that I live in a creaky old building. One which allows me to observe the wanderings of my upstairs neighbours and also occasionally hear bits of conversations from the people next door. These are things you learn to live with when you share walls and floors and ceilings with other people. Still, a person who has consideration for others will be considerate in the hopes that others will also do so, and thus create a lovely environment for all of us to live in peacefully.
Drunk Lady in the Hallway, you are not such a person.
While there are a wide variety of designs when it comes to apartments, no matter the materials or shape, you should all be aware of one thing: the hallwaysalways echo. There is not an apartment building I have been in that you cannot hear people in the hallway, though some might be that you must be near the door to do so. This is quite true in the hallway of my creaky old building. One of the guys from upstairs has a tendency to gallop down the stairs like a five-year-old on Christmas morning (much to my initial annoyance, now to much jealousy as I am not yet so mobile). I have learned to adjust to the sound of a herd of elephants going down the stairs. However, Drunk Lady in the Hallway, you managed to wake me from a sound sleep with your ramblings. No, Drunk Lady, the person you called for a ride who is now sitting in front of the building honking continually in the vain hope that you will cease your incessant talk so that you might be taken to another location to irritate and awaken those there can, as a matter of fact, not hear you shouting that you are on your way down the stairs (which you were not). I, on the other hand, snuggled warmly under blankets and cats, finally having a night where I slept properly and deeply for the first time in a week, can hear you. Had I more energy or a desire to leave my delightful cocoon, or had you continued simply one more minute longer, you should have faced the Wrath of the Rudely Awoken. Such wrath is not wished for.
I should hop that in the future, Drunk Lady in the Hallway, should you ever be awoken by any of your kin, a thought may occur to you that perhaps this is a sin you have visited upon many others, and that you should be more considerate and keep your bloody voice down when you're in the hallway of an apartment building. Because, you know, they echo. And there are doors to many rooms containing many other people in this same shared space. And sound travels.
Somehow, I doubt that. I shall endeavor to correct you should it happen again. Probably by enforcing the use of duct tape.
Placement: Winnipeg, Canada
Expressing: irritatedirritated
Soundtrack: Archon - The Fate Of Gods
05 December 2011 @ 11:40
Measles isn't just a little sickness. While most of the time, modern medicine is able to prevent a child from dying of measles, that does not prevent the patient from developing physical or mental disabilities. Many people who survive measles are left deaf or mentally challenged. If you don't want this to happen to your kids, get them vaccinated. Now.

Here's an interesting article with some great links and a story about some people who suffered from measles.

Think it's something far away and remote that can't happen to you? The largest measles outbreak in years is happening in Quebec right now.

Please, vaccinate your kids.
Expressing: annoyedannoyed
Soundtrack: DI.fm Trance channel
05 December 2011 @ 11:31
What are you allergic to?

Deathly allergic to tree nuts (almonds, cashews, walnuts but not peanuts), grapes (and wine *SOB*), yellow food dye, and the usual pollen/mold/dust/smoke combo. I am also very allergic to bedbug bites.

Allergies suck. I've been in the hospital because my allergies aggravated my asthma so much I couldn't breathe. If you don't have allergies, consider yourself lucky.
20 November 2011 @ 10:29
What is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

At Folk Fest some years ago, the mosquitoes were very bad. There was supposed to have been dragonflies introduced into the park before the festival, but for some reason they hadn't been. After a long night of running around, dancing and having a great time on a warm summer night, as the sun was coming up, I came across the road to the road into camp and saw a semi trailer. I hung around a little to see why it was there. After a few moments, the workers came and opened the back of the semi. I saw thousands of dragonflies come pouring out, flying in glittering clouds over the red and orange of that gorgeous sunrise, their wings shimmering. It was amazing. They were everywhere that day, eating all the horrible mosquitoes, but nothing will ever match that scene of seeing so many of them in the sunrise.