A despair of goths
An irony of hipsters (plural: hipsti)
A mope of emos
A field of jocks
A brace of geeks
A beaker of nerds
A palette of artists


Suggestions welcome, an ongoing project.
Supernatural collective nouns bu David Malki!

Jenny the Bloggess talks about her experiences.
I've been struggling a lot myself, especially with the self-harm. I feel like I'm close to breaking this hump, like there's a wall between me and the world and if I can just get over it I'll be okay. I go through cycles of depression, so I keep telling myself that it will end, that there is an upswing. Sometimes it's really hard to see that there will be one.

My self-harm is messing up my life. I wreck things, forget things, burn bridges and make mistakes I know will make things worse for myself. I almost wish I did cut myself instead, because that would only hurt me instead of ruining my chances at jobs, friendships and my own success. I feel like I can't have any of those things. I don't deserve them, I'll only disappoint so why not ruin everything now, so I can control it. I also hurt my own body. I eat food that makes me sick, I make myself get fat and then hate myself for it.
I know that doesn't make sense. I know in the clear moments it's not what I want, but it's like I can't help myself. It's like there's this awful creature inside me that takes over my body, keeping me immobile or pigging out or using my mouth to say things I never wanted to say. If depression was a person I'd kick the shit out of them and bury them in a ditch and no one would care.
I loved myself once. I want to feel like that again. I'm so busy feeling like shit and hating myself I'm missing my whole life.
I need to believe that I can not feel this way. A few things happening lately have been bringing me up a little, I am starting to have some of the feelings I had before on my last upswing. I have to keep believing this will get better. I don't know why I believe it, I just do. I think if I get this potential job it will help me, because it's about helping other people and it'll get me out of the house and out of my head, but I know there's more to loving myself than that.
There is so much I want to do, so much I can do, and my depression is the only thing in my way. It seems such a huge, impassable thing though. I wonder if I will ever conquer it.

This Amazing Young Lady Stuns UN Delegates With A Powerful Speech

Get it done.

Thermosaurus radiator

Probably an April Fool's joke, but it needs to be real.

Look, I just want to make something clear. You seem to have gotten your words mixed up, it's alright, common mistake, but I thought I wold try and clarify this issue for you.

This is a beanie:


This is a toque:


It's pronounced "too-k" (not took, say too and add a k). This is what it is and always has been called. I don't understand why people keep getting this mixed up.

I did my very first ever guest post over at Mad Art Lab (which was a super awesome site even before my post), go check it out for both a bag-making tutorial AND a chance to win the bag I made!
http://madartlab.com/2012/03/09/guest-post-mad-fish-monger-makes-a-mad-art-bag/

I'm so excited!

I saw the specialist, and apparently my ankle is a super-wuss. The physiotherapist thinks I was born with a sort of ankle prone to these kinds of injuries, so I guess it makes sense. The report says:

"A small 4-5mm ossicle is noted at the dorsal aspect of the talonvicular joint that may represent a remote capsular avulsion."
There's a wee bone chip there that usually takes 4 months or so to heal. Tell that to my bloody ankle. The good news is it's getting markedly better, the physiotherapist did some re-assessing and I've made significant improvement, so the prescription now is careful exercise. My ankle will never be the same, it'll always be weak, but I'm not going to need surgery or anything serious. It will get better!

I have to move this weekend. The physiotherapist was insistent I'm careful, and I will be, but I sure hope I can get some help. I can't do 14 trips up and down the stairs.

I am at some point going to make a comic out of this*, but here's the story:

I was waiting at a bus stop downtown after hanging out with a friend. A guy comes up to me.

"Do you have the time?"
"Yeah, it's quarter to eleven."
"In the day or at night?"
It took me a second to process this question. Keep in mind this is an outdoor bus stop. The sky is clear and you can see a few stars despite the streetlights. I looked at him for a second, then pointed up.
He looked up, then looked at me blankly.
"What?" he says
"Um, well...it's light during the day and it's dark at night." I tell him all matter-of-factly.
He grumbles and wanders off.

*If anyone with more art skill than me wants to make a comic of this, please do!

I dreamed I was on the moon, in some kind of empty base. I could float (at will) and I was having a great time moving about the base by floating along near the ceiling and using corners and doorways to fling myself along, using the momentum. I remember one part where I was going down an inclined hallway and got some good speed, so when I flung myself around the corner I went flying down the next hall. It was fun. I also went out on the moon's surface (apparently I don't need a space suit or anything). It was beautiful. I visited again, this time the moon base was full of people. I was telling them how getting around the base was so much easier if you floated around, and I was describing how to use the momentum. I decided to go outside on a sort of hover-bike thing, but as I left, a spaceship was taking off. I was directly under it, and the intense pressure (no heat or burning, just pressure, which didn't affect me) from the thrusters kept me from going too high on my vehicle. I remember looking up at this immense circle of blue fire coming from the bottom of the ship, it was strangely beautiful.

I think shame has to be the worst part of depression. There is some real shame in it, I guess, but most of it is perceived. What I mean by real shame is that things really do get neglected, lost, forgotten and ignored when you're in the depths of a bad depression. You skip out on outings, you don't spend time with friends and family, you might even skip out on work. You neglect your responsibilities, even when it's to your own detriment and instead of that inspiring you to move forward and do better, it's all just another shovelful on the pile of "you're an awful person, and here's why". You can't concentrate, focus or even care about events or problems or even joys in your life, and for this you feel shame. The shame only compounds all the other problems, and makes the loop of depression continue to be self-perpetuating. Shame makes it hard to ask for help, for how dare you, how can you ask for help? How could you deserve someone helping you? Look at all the mistakes you've made, the problems you've caused! How can anything make it better? Best not to drag anyone else down with you, right?

Well, no. Sometimes, you can't do it alone. Sometimes, you need to reach out. Sometimes you just have to fuck the shame and do it anyway. So, here goes.

I've been depressed. No, really. I'm sure most of you who know me online or in person have some idea that I suffer from depression, some more than others, but over the years I have become very, very good at hiding just how bad it gets. I don't really know how to describe what it feels like, but those of you that have been there understand. For me it comes and goes in waves that can last months or even years. These waves are totally unrelated to events in life. You often hear that depression is not like being sad when a family member dies, but I think a lot of people have a hard time really understanding the difference. The waves come and go, and I will respond to something very differently when I am very depressed than when I am not. This last couple of years have been a very low time for me, but because it's depression and not just being sad, there's no real reason for it and there's no real end in sight. When I am on a down slide, and something bad happens, it affects me ten times as hard as when I am on an up slide. How can you explain to someone that having to do something as simple as cleaning the dishes is a major issue? Unless they've been there too, they can't possibly comprehend why that would be difficult for you. This is again where shame comes in, how do you ask for help with tasks that shouldn't require any help at all? But they are hard, and for reasons you know don't make any sense. I am intensely aware of the lack of logic and reason in the way my mind works when I'm depressed, but I am seemingly helpless to change it. I am constantly filled with self-loathing. It's a horrible feeling. I don't wish it on anyone. I will sabotage or ruin things I know I can do or want to do because I don't feel like I deserve them. I fuck myself up on purpose because...well, there isn't a good reason.

Injuring my ankle has only made this depression worse. I was feeling like garbage before, then I spent the best summer this city has had in five years on the couch in agony because I was on crutches. I have been in some level of pain since July. I still can't go up stairs properly, stand, walk long distances (distance depends on how much pain I am in that day) or even sit with my leg in certain positions for too long. I can't run or even walk fast. I can't put my foot at certain angles without pain. I wear a brace when I go out and I have to be extremely careful not to slip, even a little wrench causes me so much pain. I've been off work and stuck in the house. Being off work means I am getting EI payments. Being on EI means I am very poor. I barely have enough to pay the rent, and a few of my services have been cut off because I can't afford to pay them. Money woes are an extraordinary cause of stress, and it's just another shovelful on the shit pile.
So here's the good news: I am finally starting to feel like the fog is lifting. I am finally starting to feel like the depression is sliding away. I am finally able to get myself back on my feet (figuratively at this point). Now, of course, I find myself in a very deep hole.

So here's where you come in:
I need to make money. I need to have a sense of purpose.* Please go here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/madfishmarket and visit my store. Tell me what you like, what you don't, what you want to see more of or less of. Be honest, I need to make this better. If there's something you like, pass it along. Share it with friends, give me a little more exposure, because there might be someone along the line that likes it enough to buy it. If you don't want to give me an honest answer and reveal your identity, that's ok! You can comment anonymously here on my blog, I won't check you out or hunt you down. I just want to know what I am doing wrong and what I am doing right. I want honest constructive criticism please.

I am also a model, you can see a page here with some photos of me. So far I have done photography and art modeling (I LOVE art modeling!) I'm overweight right now, but you're looking for chub chub in your photos, I'm your girl. I love to do art modeling and have modeled in the past for the WAG, Cre8ery, RRC and the Winnipeg Sketch Club. I've also been told I have lovely hands, so if you need a hand model I can do that too.

I am getting help for my depression, but sometimes there's not much to do but wait for the worst of it to pass. A few public people have been talking about their depression as well, here's some links:

http://thebloggess.com/2012/01/the-fight-goes-on/

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html




*I am holding off committing to a "real" job until I get the results of my MRI to find out if I need surgery or not

I have an ankle brace now, thanks to my good friend, and I am finally getting physiotherapy. I am really surprised at how weak my ankle still is. Physio is hard, but it's worth it. The therapist recommended that I do short bursts of exercise through the day with rest and occasional icing in between. I think I can do that.
I'm also supposed to give going back to work part-time a try, but I need something where I'm not on my feet all day but I can move around a little and that won't drive me crazy. Going to pay another visit to the OVRC, I guess. I am feeling a little more positive than I have in a while, going to try to hold on to that. I had curry last night, that always makes things better.
How are you?

1) Find out the song that was #1 the week you were born.
2) Find that song on YouTube.
3) Post that video without shame



The month before, it was the Star Wars theme. Way better than this.

For NYE, the bf and I went to friend D's place for dinner with L, his girlfriend. D is a chef, and made us an absolutely delicious meal, I am not ashamed to admit I ate like a pig. Falafel, a couscous with fresh vegetables and olives and hot peppers, roasted eggplant and yam (I think) and a non-dairy yogurt with fresh mint for dipping. Everything was perfect on its own*, but the sauce added a whole other layer. I need millions to have him cook for me. I'd throw lavish parties with massive buffets. I'd throw random public parties too. Pick a community centre and have an open dinner...
We watched an episode of An Idiot Abroad: Bucket List which made me happy, because the only thing funnier than Karl Pilkington doing anything is Ricky Gervais losing his mind with laughter. We discovered Much Music was playing a live show of Electric Circus and I had something I posted end up on the screen. I got a message from a someone in the Maritimes who was also watching and recognized my name. We drove to bf's place and had a few drinks before walking the 15 minutes or so to the club. My ankle's doing alright for walking now most of the time. We get to the club, don't get charged a cover and come into a strange and cavernous room. There was a raised stage with a dancefloor on the right and a square bar around a pole in the middle. Some booths along the wall to the left and behind us and a large empty space. In the back we could see a mountain of stacked tables and chairs behind a wall of long tables. It felt like we were not permitted to sit. L and I went to the bathroom where we encountered a group of beautiful women lamenting that there were not any men at the club worthy of their New Year's kiss (she used that wording). L and I encountered our wide-eyed boyfriends to the tune of some top 40 dance hit. Clearly, this was not the party we were looking for. Since it was quarter to twelve, we had a drink and toasted in the new year. I had sent a text to someone at the party and gotten the address. It was the little bar three blocks from bf's house. We made it back (me with quite a sore ankle) to see Chris Komus and I managed to even do a little dancing. L, myself and a friend of L's were among the people accosted by two drunk men. One of the mean was leaning against me for a little while, making it seem as though he didn't intend to be. At one point he rubbed his hand across my back. I turned around and loudly said "Don't fucking touch me.", just as boyfriend was coming over. They leaned on women (one trying to rest his head on a far-too-polite woman's shoulder), rubbed up against them, tried to hug them or cop a feel as they went by.
Just as a little aside here: what planet do you live on where it's acceptable to just walk up to total strangers and touch them? What in your life has ever shown you that this is a totally okay thing to do? Has this ever worked? I once asked this of a man who spent five minutes detailing the benefits of my performing oral sex on him. I didn't get an answer. I can't see how it would. It's terrifying. Both L and I get punchy when we're faced with aggressive groping men, and it really puts a damper on a fun evening. It puts you on alert, on the defensive, like you're tensing up ready to jump or scream. Not very relaxing. I think we really need to discuss what the clear rules are here about how you behave in public and how you deal with people who treat others badly. I think sometimes we do nothing because we don't know what to do, but nothing isn't the answer.
The night ended well with lots of laughter and I woke up to a lazy morning of video games and cats.


This year I'm going to focus on what I am gaining, not what I am losing and as Xerxes and Jin have taught me, I need to do a lot more playing and cuddling (specifically with them, but I'm allowed to on my own time). I've discovered that if I stand just right I can dance or hula hoop for a little while.I've also got a long to-do list that I am not going to allow to go unfinished.Too many of my bad habits have too. I am going to kill them in the face with bears. It's the only way.


*reminded me of a zen koan: the Emperor goes to meet a prominent zen master who serves him a dinner. There is only one item, and the Emperor is surprised, but upon tasting it's perfection. The zen master had served him one perfectly boiled radish. The Emperor leaves enlightened by the beauty of simplicity.

ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS
There's some real gems in there.


BILLY, WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM, CHAMP? QUIT FIDGETING AND PAY ATTENTION. STORY’S JUST GETTING INTERESTING.

SORRY, GRANDPA.

SO IT WAS SCHRÖDINGER WHO FIRST COINED THE TERM ‘ENTANGLEMENT’ AS IT APPLIES TO QUANTUM MECHANICS IN A LETTER TO EINSTEIN (ONLY HE CALLED IT VERSCHRÄNKUNG BECAUSE THEY WERE GERMAN. WELL, SCHRÖDINGER WAS AUSTRIAN, BUT YOU GET THE IDEA). THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN BACK IN ‘35 OR ‘36. AFTER THAT, HE PUBLISHED HIS PAPER ON THE SUBJECT, AND IT WAS A DOOZY, WITHOUT WHICH WE NEVER WOULD HAVE HAD BOHM’S INTERPRETATION ON LOCALITY, AND SUBSEQUENTLY BELL’S THEOREM THAT QUANTUM PHYSICS HAS TO VIOLATE EITHER THE LOCALITY PRINCIPLE OR COUNTERFACTUAL DEFINITENESS.

THAT ONE CAME ALONG IN ‘63 OR ‘64. I CAN’T REMEMBER, BUT HOO BOY, THOSE WERE SOME FUN TIMES FOR US BACK IN THE LABS …
BILLY, WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM, CHAMP? QUIT FIDGETING AND PAY ATTENTION. STORY’S JUST GETTING INTERESTING.

SORRY, GRANDPA.

SO IT WAS SCHRÖDINGER WHO FIRST COINED THE TERM ‘ENTANGLEMENT’ AS IT APPLIES TO QUANTUM MECHANICS IN A LETTER TO EINSTEIN (ONLY HE CALLED IT VERSCHRÄNKUNG BECAUSE THEY WERE GERMAN. WELL, SCHRÖDINGER WAS AUSTRIAN, BUT YOU GET THE IDEA). THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN BACK IN ‘35 OR ‘36. AFTER THAT, HE PUBLISHED HIS PAPER ON THE SUBJECT, AND IT WAS A DOOZY, WITHOUT WHICH WE NEVER WOULD HAVE HAD BOHM’S INTERPRETATION ON LOCALITY, AND SUBSEQUENTLY BELL’S THEOREM THAT QUANTUM PHYSICS HAS TO VIOLATE EITHER THE LOCALITY PRINCIPLE OR COUNTERFACTUAL DEFINITENESS.

THAT ONE CAME ALONG IN ‘63 OR ‘64. I CAN’T REMEMBER, BUT HOO BOY, THOSE WERE SOME FUN TIMES FOR US BACK IN THE LABS …

I am aware, of course, that I live in a creaky old building. One which allows me to observe the wanderings of my upstairs neighbours and also occasionally hear bits of conversations from the people next door. These are things you learn to live with when you share walls and floors and ceilings with other people. Still, a person who has consideration for others will be considerate in the hopes that others will also do so, and thus create a lovely environment for all of us to live in peacefully.
Drunk Lady in the Hallway, you are not such a person.
While there are a wide variety of designs when it comes to apartments, no matter the materials or shape, you should all be aware of one thing: the hallwaysalways echo. There is not an apartment building I have been in that you cannot hear people in the hallway, though some might be that you must be near the door to do so. This is quite true in the hallway of my creaky old building. One of the guys from upstairs has a tendency to gallop down the stairs like a five-year-old on Christmas morning (much to my initial annoyance, now to much jealousy as I am not yet so mobile). I have learned to adjust to the sound of a herd of elephants going down the stairs. However, Drunk Lady in the Hallway, you managed to wake me from a sound sleep with your ramblings. No, Drunk Lady, the person you called for a ride who is now sitting in front of the building honking continually in the vain hope that you will cease your incessant talk so that you might be taken to another location to irritate and awaken those there can, as a matter of fact, not hear you shouting that you are on your way down the stairs (which you were not). I, on the other hand, snuggled warmly under blankets and cats, finally having a night where I slept properly and deeply for the first time in a week, can hear you. Had I more energy or a desire to leave my delightful cocoon, or had you continued simply one more minute longer, you should have faced the Wrath of the Rudely Awoken. Such wrath is not wished for.
I should hop that in the future, Drunk Lady in the Hallway, should you ever be awoken by any of your kin, a thought may occur to you that perhaps this is a sin you have visited upon many others, and that you should be more considerate and keep your bloody voice down when you're in the hallway of an apartment building. Because, you know, they echo. And there are doors to many rooms containing many other people in this same shared space. And sound travels.
Somehow, I doubt that. I shall endeavor to correct you should it happen again. Probably by enforcing the use of duct tape.

Measles isn't just a little sickness. While most of the time, modern medicine is able to prevent a child from dying of measles, that does not prevent the patient from developing physical or mental disabilities. Many people who survive measles are left deaf or mentally challenged. If you don't want this to happen to your kids, get them vaccinated. Now.

Here's an interesting article with some great links and a story about some people who suffered from measles.

Think it's something far away and remote that can't happen to you? The largest measles outbreak in years is happening in Quebec right now.

Please, vaccinate your kids.

Deathly allergic to tree nuts (almonds, cashews, walnuts but not peanuts), grapes (and wine *SOB*), yellow food dye, and the usual pollen/mold/dust/smoke combo. I am also very allergic to bedbug bites.

Allergies suck. I've been in the hospital because my allergies aggravated my asthma so much I couldn't breathe. If you don't have allergies, consider yourself lucky.

At Folk Fest some years ago, the mosquitoes were very bad. There was supposed to have been dragonflies introduced into the park before the festival, but for some reason they hadn't been. After a long night of running around, dancing and having a great time on a warm summer night, as the sun was coming up, I came across the road to the road into camp and saw a semi trailer. I hung around a little to see why it was there. After a few moments, the workers came and opened the back of the semi. I saw thousands of dragonflies come pouring out, flying in glittering clouds over the red and orange of that gorgeous sunrise, their wings shimmering. It was amazing. They were everywhere that day, eating all the horrible mosquitoes, but nothing will ever match that scene of seeing so many of them in the sunrise.

Between the pain of the ankle injury and the boredom of being stuck in the house due to pain and poverty, I asked some people on a forum I'm on to send me some fun things in the mail to cheer me up. I got this yesterday:





In a somewhat related note, did you hear that Chop-Logic just won the Greatest Person Ever to Live Award?

An interesting new study has shown that it's possible that autism is caused by and overabundance of neurons in certain parts of the brain in the womb.* Really interesting stuff, but of course any discussion about autism brings up the failed findings of Andrew Wakefield (who has since had his study retracted, dismissed and lost his license for unethical practice) and the idea that autism is caused by vaccination or heavy metals (or both) popularized by Jenny McCarthy on Oprah and other such television shows and through massive spread of disinformation and paranoia, the idea still holds following. No matter what real evidence comes along on this subject, there are still people who will hold to the idea. *Do not read the comments below the article. Just don't.
I posted this link on a forum I'm on and got some pretty amusing responses:

"How did they get vaccines to those fetuses?"
and
Mercury. What can't it do?

• hold its shape at room temperature


• stay crispy in milk


• experience this emotion you call "love"


• Cause autism.

Me: None can resist the awesome power of my breasts!
BF: Breasts? I don't have those in my game yet. I may have to unlock something.

"Just don’t be cruel to ANYONE, ever. On the internet, or in your life.

Just imagine, as you sharpen your pen, that every man is your uncle or your brother, and that every woman is your mother or your sister. Just don’t spread vitriol. It’s not clever, it’s not funny, it doesn’t improve anything, it fails to educate, elucidate or encourage debate. It’s lazy. It’d be boring if it wasn’t so awful.

Just stop. Breathe. Don’t be defensive. Think hard about what you think. Clarify your point of view in your head. Try to find a way to articulate it – if you still feel you must articulate it – in a manner that assumes the person you are addressing is an actual human.

Preferably make it rhyme. Rhyming your anger seems to help, in my experience."

-Tim Minchin


Tim Minchin "Storm"

I makes dem.

If you look at something and say "HOW? WHY? WHAT - I DON'T UNDERSTAND..." I need it for my collection.

The most brilliantly written description of depression I've seen in ages.


"It's disappointing to feel sad for no reason. Sadness can be almost pleasantly indulgent when you have a way to justify it - you can listen to sad music and imagine yourself as the protagonist in a dramatic movie. You can gaze out the window while you're crying and think "This is so sad. I can't even believe how sad this whole situation is. I bet even a reenactment of my sadness could bring an entire theater audience to tears."

But my sadness didn't have a purpose.  Listening to sad music and imagining that my life was a movie just made me feel kind of weird because I couldn't really get behind the idea of a movie where the character is sad for no reason."

I haven't had that feeling of invincibility for a long, long time. I miss it.

In the laboratory there are no fustian ranks, no brummagem aristocracies; the domain of Science is a republic, and all its citizens are brothers and equals, its princes of Monaco and its stonemasons of Cromarty meeting, barren of man-made gauds and meretricious decorations, upon the one majestic level!
- "Three Thousand Years among the Microbes"

The largest measles outbreak in years. Thanks, Jenny McCarthy. I'd just like to point this out from the article:

"The Minnesota Department of Health released figures on a state outbreak, which started in March with an unvaccinated child, aged two and a half , who had traveled to Kenya. The child attended a drop-in Minnesota child care center. Overall, 21 people were infected and 14 hospitalized"

One child, 21 people infected. That's how contagious measles is. Of course, twice as many people are disabled as killed by the disease, so if your kid infects another kid you can figure they'll probably live. Probably.

In the good news, a vaccine for malaria has been developed. Not that the snooty assholes refusing to vaccinate their kids have to worry about malaria, but for the rest of the world who doesn't share your posh SoCal sensibilities, this is good news. It means their children might live to puberty. Of course if the anti-vaccine movement spreads like the horrible virus it is, we will have to start worrying about children living to puberty without being disabled or killed by the diseases our grandparents sought to eradicate so we wouldn't have to suffer.

EDIT: It's in Canada too.

I'm not proud of all the things I've done and the choices I've made in my life. I've made mistakes, and I regret them. I know there are people I have hurt and I am sorry I've hurt them.

So...here is the thing. I have applied for EI sick benefits as my ankle is so fucked right now I can't work. I am still in pain, but having been off work these last couple of weeks has done wonders. I've gotten better because I'm not forcing myself to walk when I am in too much pain to do so, I'm able to rest when I need to and get the exercise I need to when I can. But here's the problem: I have no money. What EI will give me is about 55% of my monthly wages. That's not enough to pay the rent, let alone my bills and food (I was working for just above minimum wage).
I am calling around and applying for all kinds of things to see if there's any way I can get enough to get by, but I don't know if I qualify for anything. I'm sort of disabled, in that my ankle is permanently fucked. It will always be weak, and any small injury (a little twist or a fall) will aggravate it and be ten times worse than if I did the same thing to my other ankle, and while I will always have problems with this ankle it will (eventually) get better. It will likely get worse again, but it will get better, so I don't know if I can qualify as "disabled". Right now, I can't walk without assistance (but I do have my awesome cane), and I can't walk very far or for very long (though it is getting better every week), and I certainly can't be on my feet all day. Having the problem in my left ankle also means that I am having trouble with my right knee, as that leg is taking more weight. The muscles I am using to compensate are pulling my kneecap over to the side, it's also painful.
I was very fortunate to have someone give me a gift certificate for two physiotherapy sessions. I got treated and was given a list of exercises I can do until my socialist medicine physiotherapy kicks in (3 - 6 months). It's hard to say how long it will take to get better, these kind of injuries usually will cycle, where it gets better for a bit, then worse, then better again. It will likely be months before I am able to be on my feet again for a day, and I am still having days where I am in too much pain to get down the stairs. The laundry piles up because I can't get up and down three flights of stairs to get to the machine (not to mention I am running out of quarters for the machine). Right now I can't even vacuum (which I have to do in small bursts anyway) because I am out of bags and I can't afford any more.
I'm lucky in that the Food Bank of Gramma came and dropped off a pile of canned food, so at least I won't starve.
Next month, I don't know. I don't know if I'll make rent, and if I do, I'm likely going to get my utilities cut off. I am on the cheapest plan I could find for my cellphone, and that's 50$ a month. I was getting a new customer deal on my internet, which is expiring next month and that goes up to 40$ a month (for the slow internet). My power bill is about 18$. I also have a maxed-out credit card I need to make payments on, and another credit card, those add up to about 60$ (for minimum payments). I need 160$ a month for bills, 200$ for food (estimate), 650$ for rent and 30$ for my prescription. I am going to be getting about 500$ from EI. I am totally fucked and I have no idea what to do. Any money I make will be deducted dollar-for-dollar from my EI.
I am totally fucked.

My options are:
- get some kind of work-at-home job that is not a scam and will make me enough money to get by without EI (does such a thing exist?)
- somehow make enough money on my online store to get by without EI
- a combination of the above
- become homeless

If anyone knows of any work-at-home jobs I can do while I still have internet, please let me know. I am willing to work, but I can't commit to working outside the home, as I can't commit to being able to leave the house on a regular basis thanks to my stupid ass ankle.

Pro tip: don't fuck yourself up like this. It makes everything suck.

This looks delicious!



See full step-by-step instructions here.


This looks really easy! I haven't baked with brown rice syrup before, but it looks yummy. I have used Earth Balance and it is my favourite butter substitute, in that it actually tastes like butter and doesn't have that weird oily texture most margarines have. It has the added bonus of being vegan (I like to bring vegan foods to potlucks etc when I don't know who will be there so everyone can eat it), and bakes very nicely. It can also be frozen. Handy stuff.

Apples! One of my all-time favourite fruits. In Manitoba, we have a very short growing season, so the apples we grow are small and usually have a nice sourness to them. They make a wonderful applesauce. I think this recipe has enough sweetness to balance the tartness of our local apples. I will have to find some and give it a try.

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Almost all aspects of my life are in the toilet at the moment.
Still, this show makes me laugh.

Ghosts: what with pretty much everyone and their dog having a camera, you'd think we'd be seeing more proof. There is none. Shows on TV are just that: TV shows. No matter how much they claim they're in it "for the truth", they're in it to make good TV. It's a very tempting thought to think there's something after we die, that we live on somehow, but no one, anywhere, has been able to give any conclusive proof there's anything at all. Personally I don't think there is, but I also don't think it matters. Even if there is something, it's not this life, and this life should be lived as well as possible, not pining over the dream of what might be. That's not to say I haven't seen strange things in my life. I have had a few weird experiences, but I am not about to make a leap of logic from "I saw something I can't explain" to "clearly the only answer is the unquiet dead".

I've talked about mediums and psychics before who claim to talk to the dead and how angry this makes me, I also don't believe in monsters, aliens*, giant worldwide conspiracies, God, angels, demons, or any other otherworldly phenomenon. I'll believe it when I see proof. Real proof, not the kind of proof they give out on shows like "Ancient Aliens" (for a great breakdown of these shows, see The Dumbasses Guide to Knowledge.

The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe does a lot of great shows on how the media and other sources will present information in a slightly off manner, and how to see through them. It's really changed the way I read news stories, especially about health.
Some more great resources:

http://www.mysterysolvedcomic.com/
http://skepchick.org/
http://www.quackwatch.com/
http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/

*I don't disbelieve the possibility of aliens, just that aliens have ever visited Earth or that there's any proof they ever have so far.